hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
