Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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