hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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