dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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