he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
