This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
