Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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