Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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