she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
