Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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