I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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