so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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