You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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