he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
