Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
