Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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