And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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