I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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