then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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