I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
