I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
