How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like eating out sand paper
she told me i tasted like america
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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