So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
