Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize