I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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