There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize