That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
