you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
