and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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