I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize