If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
