they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
