GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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