we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
