The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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