this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
