Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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