i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
