I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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