Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
