i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
