somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
