i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
