and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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