ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
