Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
