Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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