my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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