I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
