I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
