ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
