3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dear god my vagina.
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