No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We are two peas in an std pod
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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