Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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