i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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