what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dignity is for republicans.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
