Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
