I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
