I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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