so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
