dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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