some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
