where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm eating all of the evidence.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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