at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
