What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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