Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
