someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize