Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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