Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
