he thought i was a dude.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
