Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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