Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
