wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
