Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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