Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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