Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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