I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
