My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
