If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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