I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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