Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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