the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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