Welp...herpes.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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