you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
