just tell him i said nine months
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
