Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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