I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
