yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
