dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
